Back to Sunnydale
by FaithfulKitten
Summary: Sequel to Fighting the Future. Faith returns to Sunnydale hoping to change her fate and not lose her heart in the process. Can she avoid Buffy? Can she get out of the Initiative? Will she become another drone in Walsh's army? Will she finally go home? Will she find love? So many questions and I seriously don't know the answer to a single one. ha ha ha ha ha.
1. Packing up

Packing away your existence in two weeks is not an easy task. Not only did I have to pack up my entire apartment, I had to rent a storage unit, take a leave from my job, move all my stuff, and call all the utility companies to cancel my service. True this looks like it would only take a couple of days but when you're doing it on your own it takes longer. I had thought to ask Cor to help me but it seemed unfair. She had put her life on hold while I was in the hospital she shouldn't have to keep it there until I get my shit together.

So now I'm back in ol' Sunnydale. I had to rent a small truck to get here. I figure a college dorm has a bed and a desk. However I assume it doesn't have a lamp, a TV, my laptop, a bed set, pillows or any of the other little things that become necessary to a well lived in space. I'm going to be spending the entire summer there so you can bet I'm doing it in some comfort. The furniture and some of my other belongings went into storage for the summer.

The most wonderful thing about all of this, not including the thirty something hour drive to get here, is that when I return to Cleveland I have to find a new apartment. My landlord made no guarantees that I would get my apartment back or another one in the building. Looking the campus over I make my way to the admissions office. I have no idea where Professor Walsh's office is and she had failed to mention it.

Getting directions from the secretary I walk to Dr. Walsh's office. The campus is relatively empty and I don't encounter anyone, not that I was really expecting to. Still a small part of me wishes to see Buffy. I considered telling her I would be around this summer but tossed that out not long after I thought of it. Since I woke up Buffy has avoided me like the plague. I told Giles I was awake and he made some inquiries about my health but left it at that. He didn't even think to ask if I was staying in Sunnydale or going back to Cleveland, not that he even knows I am in Cleveland. It seems that he is a little distracted now that he has found himself gainfully unemployed. Wesley has left town and so has Cor. This summer is going to suck.

Knocking on the office door I wait patiently for an invitation. It only takes a minute. Opening the door I see Dr. Walsh with beefstick, I mean Riley. Now this is interesting. Taking the seat Walsh motions to I direct my attention to her avoiding Riley. For some strange reason I feel embarrassed. I've slept with this man but in Buffy's body. It hasn't happened nor will it but it did for me at one time.

"Ms. Lehane very prompt of you, I approve." Walsh opens as if I need her approval for anything in my life. Merely nodding my head I wait for her to continue. "I would like to introduce you to Riley Finn he's your captain. He will instruct you in your training regiment and lead you out in teams. Here is your schedule, room number, and key. Finn will show you around the initiative today after you have settled in. Meet him here in three hours." She states simply while handing me my key and a couple of papers. Feeling I have been dismissed I merely stand up and make my way to the door.

Walking to my dorm room I see it's in Meir hall, a bit of irony there I think. My room is on the ground floor, not something I appreciate. Looking over the room I notice that I have been granted a bathroom of my own. This must be the RA's room during the school year. At least I am guaranteed some privacy; I have never been overly fond of sharing a bathroom with complete strangers. Checking out the bed I find it's cheap but serviceable. Had to buy new sheets for this bed which I found to be ridiculous. I have a queen in storage and had to buy twin sheets for this bed. Something I will probably never use again after this summer. What a waste of money.

Going back outside I move the truck closer to the dorm and begin the process of unpacking. Two hours later I have everything stored in the room and have the truck returned. I spend the remaining hour unpacking my things. It's a slow and slightly tedious process. The knowledge that I have to repack everything in a couple of months makes this all feel even more tedious.

The knock on the door is a small relief; I was getting a little bored. Opening the door I see Riley waiting almost eagerly on the other side. I motion in to see if he wants to come in, he merely shakes his head no. Grabbing my key I shut the door and lock it. "Lead the way." I tell him while motioning down the corridor.

"Well Faith this is the whole of the campus. It's not much but the size is considerable considering the size of the town. What do you think?" Riley asks me after what feel was a very long and convoluted tour. It's not that I don't appreciate getting a tour and learning the outlay of the school it's just did he have to give the history of the place?

"I think it will suit my purposes just fine especially considering I had no choice but to be here." I tell him with a sickly sweet smile.

"Well yes Walsh does tend to get a little over demanding at times." He says while adjusting his collar.

"So how is it that Walsh has control of all of this?" I ask hopeful that he might be willingly to give a better explanation of the Initiative.

"She's part of the private sector but has control of a small portion of the army's research and development team. We report to both Professor Walsh and to Colonel McNamara. We take our orders from the Colonel and he reports to a council of General's. I'm in charge of you though and that's the important part that you need to remember. Walsh has told me that you will be working one on one with her in her research but for the sake of your ROTC credits you will train with us." He tells me giving me very little information regardless of all the crap that just spewed out of his mouth. Nodding my understanding I follow him into a fraternity house.

Walking up to a full length mirror I can't help but wonder what kind of frat house is this? Clearly whoever decorated the place was a major narcissist. Soldier boy gets in front of the mirror and stares at it blankly for a couple of seconds. I watch in mild fascination as a beam scans his body and the mirror shifts aside revealing a white room. Stepping into the room I'm surprised to see it's an elevator. I watch as the door opens to reveal what looks like a military base mixed with a science lab. The white box of an elevator prevented me from being able to tell how far underground we are but my estimate is at least three stories. I wonder how and when they were able to build it.

Following Captain America down the stairs he leads me to a med lab where Walsh is waiting for me. "Come back in 30 minutes." She states simply turning back to the table she was working on when we came in. I watch Riley leave and turn my attention back to the mad scientist. "Take a seat Lehane; I'm going to take a retinal scan so you can be programmed into the computer. Then I'm going to need a blood sample as well. Finally we will finish off with a physical exam." Not bothering to respond I take a seat and wait for the poking and prodding to begin. Who needs aliens when you have mad scientist?

The pokes and prods take relatively no time at all. I wonder what she will find in my blood, if it marks out that I am different. The physical is a little disturbing but I am comfortable in my own skin. Stripping down to nothing I watch as the nut bag examines my body head to toe taking notes of what I'm not quite sure. Getting the signal to get dressed I do without a word. Taking the indicated seat again I wait patiently for Walsh.

"Do you know what made those marks on your neck Lehane?" Walsh asks curiously.

"Yes." I state simply not willing to offer more than necessary.

"Would you mind telling me what it was?" She asks innocently.

"A vampire." I say hating the innocent coy round around she is willing to play. I remember what the Initiative is about and I'm already sick of it.

"Very good I figured you knew about vampires from the reports I received from Cleveland." That comment makes me wonder how much my commanding officer in Cleveland actually knows about me. "Now what I failed to mention about the Initiative is that we study Xenomorphs. Our goal is to use them to help us develop a better soldier and bio weaponry. From what I've learned about you Lehane I feel you will be very beneficial to my research." With that statement I can see I've been dismissed. Riley walks in as I stand up and I wonder if the whole thing has been staged.

Following Finn out of the lab I let my mind review what little I know about Professor Walsh and realize that I know virtually nothing. I'm walking blind into the whole Initiative thing and it makes me a little nervous. Finn's tour includes the armory, the labs, the containment cells, and the communications room. I ask if I will be meeting the Colonel but am given a negative. Nodding at all the appropriate places I wait for the tour to be over and to be returned to Walsh.

Once again delivered to Walsh I watch as she dismisses Finn. Leading me through the labyrinth of labs she directs me to lab room 316. This is will be your personal lab. As much as you will work with me you will also work solo. There are several species of Xenomorphs and honestly I don't have enough doctors to study them all. You will play a role in this aspect of research by dissecting those that do not survive. You will document anatomical variations, theorize on methods of extermination and discover strengths and weaknesses of each species we give you. You will report to me all of your findings. Everything you need should be here." She says while showing off the lab.

Looking around I spot a microscope, a dissection kit, a lab coat, and a large cabinet holding what I assume to be necessary medical supplies. The dissection table sits in the middle of the room taking up the majority of the space. Staring at my new lab space I can't help but be a little surprised. "So when do I get to work?" I ask out of curiosity and a small desire to actually study demons in a completely new way.

"Tomorrow, I'm giving you the rest of the day to settle in. You'll have classes in the morning, then training for two hours with Finn and then research either with me or on your own. Finn will give you your patrol schedule once he assesses your combat capabilities." Accepting my dismissal I nod and make my way out. Getting back upstairs and out of the frat house I marvel once again that they were able to build the whole underground military research base. The size of it alone means it covers the whole length of the campus. Shaking my head in awe of everything I just learned I make my way to the cafeteria feeling my stomach finally start to complain of hunger.


	2. Starting Over Again

AN: Thanks for the reviews on the last story I forgot to make any comments since I was rather occupied with life. So yeah this is the sequel and a portion of the chapters are already written. This is going to be at least twice as long as the first one so bear with me. Hope you enjoy where this all will go.

A day off that really doesn't feel like a day off should not be considered a day off. I might be a slayer but it doesn't stop my body from being sore after it's driven for hours upon hours upon hours. My ass is still sore and the thought of sitting makes me want to cry. Getting up this morning I groaned in sorrow at the idea of leaving my bed and facing a new day filled with class, training, and research. My academic schedule is rather full but it's mostly general studies. I'm grateful since it means I will graduate early. Walsh signed me up for English 102, World History 101, and Introduction to Physics, Principles of Chemistry II, and Engineering Math II. Overall it's a mildly daunting schedule.

The first day of classes isn't bad, the curriculum is laid out and I make sure to remind myself to get a head start on my reading. I still don't understand why after years of taking English and History every student is required to take them again in college. It's a form of legalized robbery. Returning to my dorm room I drop off my books and make my way to the frat house. Unsurprisingly enough I am the first woman to be initiated into the ranks of soldiers for the Initiative. I'm going to look like the campus slut by the end of the summer.

Standing in front of the mirror I feel like an idiot as I wait for the scanner to verify who I am. In seconds the door opens and I enter the white box of an elevator. Again the lack of definition and information keep me from being able to figure out how far underground the Initiative actually is. Getting out I search for Riley only to be told that I was to meet him and the rest of the team upstairs. Groaning at my own ignorance I make my way back upstairs. Standing in the foyer of the frat house I wait patiently for Riley. He doesn't take long and I'm glad I arrived early.

"Faith you're here, good. We train mostly at the school's gym and track. I'll take you there since you might not remember it from our tour."

I don't bother saying anything because honestly I wasn't really paying that close attention to anything he said during the tour. I mean really its one thing to get the basic facts about a place it's another to hear its whole history. I swear it was like the boy was trying to impress me with his vast knowledge of Sunnydale. So I stay quiet since I can't tell him I was ignoring him. Following next to him I start to tune him out again as he goes over the daily routine. I check in every once and a while to see if he says anything important.

"Our regular workouts are in the gymnasium's workout center. However the Initiative does have its own obstacle course that was set up a couple of years back. Normally we only do the obstacle course two times a week and do a three mile run. Three days a week we do a workout and a three mile run. Saturday's we have what we like to call "fun run" it's a mile and a half run that we do every week. The first time you do it you are timed and every week you have to beat your original time. If you fail to beat your time then you have to do it every day until you beat it. So today you are going to do your first fun run which I will go with you so you know that way. I'll also be timing you. Then you will do the obstacle course of which you will also be timed."

Wow these soldier boys are definitely into the running. I guess it does come in handy when you have to get away and keep pace for a long period of time. Lord knows I've run away from a beasty or two in my day. Nodding my head in understanding I'm grateful that I took the time to change into my workout sneakers and workout clothes. Riley shows me the starting point of the fun run and it's a large loop around campus finishing off in the same place. I wait for him to say go then start at a nice even pace. I've done this sort of thing before and learned a long time ago that it is not worth doing your best on the first day. Knowing you have to trim off a couple of seconds each week is enough to keep me at a comfortable run instead of a full sprint.

Ten minutes later I fake being slightly out of breath as I finish the last couple of steps. Riley is next to me and he's not even remotely winded. In fact neither am I but I would rather not have to work my ass off every single week. I'm as fit as I will ever be able to get and I might enjoy a good workout, however, I don't enjoy running my ass off for no reason.

"Do you need a couple of minutes to catch your breath?" Riley asks getting into a comfortable pose as if he knows he will have to wait for me. Shaking my head I slowly even out my breathing making sure not to give myself away.

"I'll catch my breath as we walk to the obstacle course."

"Alright follow me." He said while leading me off towards the gymnasium. A five minute walk later I settle my breathing to normal keeping up with Riley. We walk around the gymnasium and further past the football field into the woods that surround three quarters of the campus. Another three minute walk through the woods we come upon a clearing where I see not a simple obstacle course but a complex challenge course. Everything imaginable is here. I can't help but let out a small whistle of surprise. I am impressed.

"I'm guessing you've done a course or two in your time so I won't explain everything just give you the basic directions. You start with the Tough One and the rest follow; Slide for life, the Confidence climb, skip the Skyscraper, then go to the Tarzan, Dirty name, then Belly crawl, and Inclining wall, and finish off with the Island Hopper. Start when you're ready." He tells me without giving me a time to beat. I hate that since it means I can't judge how long I should take.

Getting to the starting point I wait for Riley to take out his stop watch and look at me. The second he does I start. The Tough One is a tower of sorts. Climbing up the netting I get to the second level and walk over the logs spaced at foot wide intervals then up the ladder and over the top log and down another higher netting. I get the whole thing down in what I hope is about three minutes. I'm trying to keep myself at human pace but it's hard to judge. Next comes the Slide for life which involves climbing up a 40ft log ladder to the top of the tower and sliding down on a rope with netting underneath for safety. Taking my time climbing up I finally get to the top put on the gloves and grab the rope swinging my legs up to wrap around the rope as well. Letting myself slowly slide to the bottom I let go and climb back down from the landing.

Moving over to the Confidence climb, a large ladder with varying lengths between rungs, I take the first step. This is all about building confidence in one's own abilities and upper body strength. I take my time here hopping to kill some time. Getting to the second rung to the top I slide in between them and make my way to the other side and down. The Tarzan comes next and I'm happy that I'm a slayer otherwise I would already be groaning.

The Tarzan is made up of four parts; three logs at increasing heights and a ladder hung horizontally seven feet in the air. The purpose is balance and upper body strength. Jumping up to the lowest pole I carefully walk to the end and step up the two feet onto the next, and the next until I reach the ladder. Gripping the ladder's first rung I slide my body down and use my arms to go from rung to rung till I reach the end. The Dirty name is all about upper body strength which the majority of obstacle course are in fact about. It involves jumping from one log to another and using your upper body to pull yourself up. I think it was named Dirty name for all the swears said while doing it. The belly crawl should be self explanatory. Getting on my hands and knees I lower my body down to my belly and crawl under the length of barbed wire. Getting up I move at a light job to the Island hopper praying I've taken long enough to do the whole course. Jumping from one log to another while keeping my balance is easy enough but I make a show of almost losing my balance every once and a while. Getting to the other side I jump down and run/jog over to Riley. He lets out a whistle and I hope to god that I wasn't too quick.

"We've never had a girl do the course but your time was close to our top soldier." He said with a grin making me think he was referring to himself. "Your four minutes short but you still did great for a solo run." With that he walked me to the gymnasium and showed me the workout room the Initiative used. "Next comes seeing how proficient in combat you actually are. I've recruited Graham and Forrest to help." He says leading me into one of the gyms where I find blue mats have been laid out and the two aforementioned guys are waiting. "What forms of combat have you trained in Faith?" Riley asks.

"Aikido, Jujitsu, and Tae Kwon Do."

"Impressive well this is just a grappling session so try not to hurt them or get hurt." He says with a smile and I can't help but get the feeling that he is trying to be charming.

Nodding my head in affirmation I make my way over to Graham and Forrest still not sure who is who and get into my fighting stance. Graham goes first coming at me like a football player. Stepping out to the side a little bit I place my hands on his right arm and shoulder using his own weight and momentum to flip him onto his back. Forrest makes his move the second Graham hits the ground trying to catch me by surprise. He swings with his right and I duck slamming my fist into his solar plexus knocking the wind out of him. In seconds both men are out. I hear Riley whistling again and straighten up putting a couple of feet of space between the two downed soldiers and myself.

"Well clearly you are combat ready. You will be responsible for patrolling with us four nights a week; Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. You'll be in my group. We go out in teams of five. We meet at 8pm in the Initiative armory. Since you did so well you can go get changed and go to meet Professor Walsh." He said dismissing me.

Nodding my thanks to the two sparring buddies I made my way out of the gymnasium to my dorm room. I decided to do more than change clothes and shower as well. I made it quick feeling it was better not to tick off the good professor. Getting done with my shower I put on a pair of jeans and a semi tight shirt and a comfortable pair of shoes. Locking up my room I make my way to the fraternity and wonder if there is another entrance. Undoubtedly there is and I just haven't seen it yet. Entering through the front door I'm greeted by a couple of frat boys who I assume are part of the Initiative. None of them question me so I assume that they were all briefed about my temporarily joining them. I get a few nods and a couple of curious looks but nothing else. Getting in front of the full length mirror I wait patiently for it to scan me and then walk into the elevator.

Getting out I make my way to Walsh's office. Knocking twice I get a hushed invitation to enter and I'm tempted to remind her never to invite someone into your home. Chucking aside my mental deviations I announce myself and wait for instruction. I don't bother giving report of the day's activities since she doesn't ask and I suspect that is what Finn is for.

"Lehane I'm glad you're here. Currently my research is going in a direction that I don't require you for. I've had hostile 23 sent to your lab. HST 23 was terminated this morning and I would like a full autopsy of the body and a complete examination and speculation of its capabilities and bodily functions. Here is your key card; it will open any room you have access to." Nodding my head in understanding I grab the card and make my way to my lab.

The more I think about it the more I am considering changing my major from chemical engineering to biochemical engineering. Entering my lab I find what looks like a Polgara demon on my table. Reminds me that if I'm actually going to do this right that it might be smart to snag a couple of books on demons. The demon is covered with a sheet and I wonder why the Initiative felt the need for modesty. Going over to the cabinet I take out the necessary tools for an autopsy. In a tray I place my scalpel, needles, scissors, forceps, ruler, and bone saw. In a separate tray I lay out my Retractor, my trocar, another scalpel, and my bone cutters.

Putting on a lab coat I take out a box of small gloves and put them in easy reach. Sliding on a visor I uncover the body. I've wondered the whole time why Walsh seems to think I've had experience with autopsies? I'm a chemical engineering student not a medical student. The idea that she might know my background history creeps me out. The only way Walsh would know I have experience with autopsies is if she knows about Nana and Grandpa Liam. Nana was a medical examiner and Grandpa Liam was a mortician. I started working in the funeral home with Grandpa Liam when I was six, right after Grandpa Seamus died. I was curious about death and Mom felt it was an appropriate way for me to understand. I suppose she had dreams of me becoming a doctor because she encouraged me to spend as much time with Nana and Grandpa Liam as possible. By the time I was eight I was helping Grandpa Liam embalm the bodies.

Looking back I remember the reverence Grandpa Liam held for the deceased. He was rather ritualistic about the whole thing. Thinking about him I feel a slight clench in my heart. I don't remember much about Grandpa Seamus just a vague sense of warmth and comfort. Grandpa Liam on the other hand was my mentor, my guide in a world filled with death, but more importantly filled with respect for the mortality of humanity. That's why the idea of killing Allen was so horrifying.

Nana also had her share in introducing me into the world of death. She wanted me to become a medical examiner, to follow in her steps as my father had refused to do. My father had no taste for death and he fought my mother strongly on the fact that I spent so much of my time in a mortuary. He lost that battle regardless of how often he felt it was necessary to fight over it. Nana would occasionally bring me in on her autopsies. She felt that since I was more than able to handle an embalming then I would be curious when it came to an autopsy. She was correct of course. I thought it was beyond fascinating. It is one thing to go through the motions of embalming a body, it's another to cut it open and see what killed a person. I loved every single autopsy I was allowed to attend and doing my own filled me with a strange sense of glee. It reminds me of my grandparent which is a weird association to make.

Going back to the cabinet I take out a digital camera. Removing the sheet off the demon I start taking pictures from every angle. Setting aside the camera I put on a pair of gloves and take out my recorder. Picking up my scalpel I make a y-incision on the chest, greenish colored fluid seeps out through the incision. I begin to verbally document everything. The skin is smooth but thick and rubbery. Peeling back the skin I use the scalpel to help cut through the tissues holding the skin to the muscle underneath. Once I get the skin peeled back I cut through several layers of muscle. This particular demon looks like it was very well built. I document the well defined pectoral muscle and the fact that it has some of the same muscular features as a human. Turning on my bone saw I cut through the rib cage and pull it out to properly examine the chest cavity. Taking off my gloves I throw them away and pick up the camera taking photos of the internal organs.

Putting the camera aside I put on a fresh set of gloves and begin an examination of the organs. Searching around I find what has the same features as a human heart but it's at least twice the size. Cutting the veins, arteries, and capillaries holding it within the cavity I remove the heart like muscle and place it in a separate tray for further examination. Slowly I go through every organ. I find what looks like a stomach, liver, and intestine along with several bile ducts. Removing all the organs in the abdominal cavity I set them aside.

Cutting down to the pelvic cavity I am able to define internal reproductive organs. I can only begin to speculate how this particular species breeds. Removing my gloves I again grab the camera and document everything. Putting on another set of gloves I remove the reproductive organs and lay them aside in a separate tray.

The knock on the door is an unwelcome distraction. The door opens and Walsh enters without a by your leave. "How are you progressing Lehane?"

"I've only really begun my dissection Dr. Walsh there really isn't much I can tell you at the moment." I tell since there really isn't much to say.

"Well your time is about up. You must keep up the façade that you are a regular student here and I expect your grades to reflex that fact. Clean up as much as possible. The assistants will be in to put everything in the freezer until tomorrow. At 20:00 you are to meet with Riley at the armory for your first patrol." She tells me then turns around and walks away.

Looking at the clock I realize it's already seven o'clock and I have only an hour to clean up and meet Riley. Releasing a hushed swear I pack up my organs into separate bags and label them before stuffing them back into their appropriate cavities. Picking up all my instruments I take them to the skin and do a thorough washing and placing them on the rack to dry. Spraying all my instruments with a disinfectant I take off my gloves and throw them away. Removing my visor and lab coat I open the door and rush back to my dorm. Stopping occasionally to use my key card to open doors I finally make my way out of the Initiative and back to my room.

Picking up the phone I call Cordelia. I've been avoiding making this call since I know she is not going to be happy with the recent turn of events in my life. I can already imagine what she is going to say. The phone rings five times before she picks up and I can tell from her tone that she rushed to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Cor"

"Faith I'm glad you called, how are you?"

"Fine, fine back in Sunnydale for the summer, how are you?" I say trying to down play the fact that I am back in Sunnydale.

"I'm fine and why are you back in Sunnydale for the summer? The last time I checked you lived in Cleveland."

"Yeah about that seems a certain secret government agency run by a psychotic doctor recruited me to spend my summer in Sunnydale."

"Explain"

"Well when I woke up a Dr. Walsh informed me that I was to spend my summer in the 'Dale going to school here while working in their top secret lab. When I implied that I was grateful for the opportunity but didn't want it she informed me I didn't have a choice."

"Faith you always have a choice."

"Yeah but she threatened to take my ROTC scholarship away and force me to repay everything Uncle Sam has given me. I know I can do it but you know I'm not ready for my family to come find me yet. So I agreed, and so I am back here working and training."

"Have you seen her yet?"

"No." I tell her already knowing who she is talking about without having to ask.

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know. I've been trying pretty hard not to think about her. The fact that I'm  
hanging out with her future boyfriend makes that damn near impossible but I am trying."

"What do you mean?"

"Well Buffy ends up dating my C.O who wasn't my C.O in the other future but is in this one. It's weird. I always thought he was a corn fed idiot but I think that was mostly due to the fact that he had the girl I wanted. The fact that I slept with him while inhabiting Buffy's body still freaks me out."

"Faith honey there are times when not knowing is a good thing. Are you sure you are okay? You know I'm here anytime you need to talk."

"I know and thanks as always. How are you doing?"

"I'm still in my condo in Malibu and I've gotten a couple more small acting parts. Overall it's not the life I dreamed of but I have nothing against it since it pays the bills. Who would have thought we would be forced to grow up so quickly? I'm putting a little aside from each job and I'm thinking of enrolling into UCLA next year."

"That's great Cor you know that if I can help in any way all you got to do is ask." I tell her reminding her that whatever is mine is hers.

"I know honey I know and I appreciate it. I have to get going I have to get ready for a meet and greet type of party. I'll give you a call sometime this week. Have a good night Faith remember I love you."

"I love you too; have fun at your party." I tell her before hanging up the phone. I would never have said I love you before hanging up but since waking up from that coma it doesn't seem like such a weird thing to say. I do love Cor and since she is okay with it I'm okay with saying it. It feels nice to say it and even nicer to hear it. Looking at the clock I see my time is up time to go patrol with the boys.


	3. Getting into the Lab

AN: Well crap. You were right Rain. I did double post just changed the titles. Well consider it a brain dead moment. Clearly I wasn't paying too much attention. I did end up finishing a chapter though so that's nice. I have no idea what I wrote in the other authors note. I think it went along the lines of thanking everyone and pointing out that this series will be omg when will this end long.

In answers to the comments;

No I will not have Faith kill Walsh ( I don't think) mwahaha

Riley will not die either though I thought he was a corn fed prick who seriously needed a attitude adjustment and someone to kick him in the balls and tell him to grow up.

Yes Cor will still end up working with Angel. It's not really a spoiler but I figured for those who are curious there is no point in waiting to know since it will be a long time in coming.

As a side note I hope to be able to post a new chapter every 4-6 days depending on my own schedule. Hope all of you like it so far. Thanks to those who took the time to review and thanks for those who have chosen to follow this story and this mediocre author.

Entering the armory I'm not surprised to see a group of young men all suiting up. The gear looks rather simple, dark green in coloring, made for easy movement and relative comfort. Following the unspoken direction from Forrest I take the set of clothes he offers me. Feeling no need for modesty or discretion I slide out of my pants and into the camouflage pair I was given. Leaving my tank top on I remove my shirt and put on the dark green standard issue shirt and subsequent sweater. I don't particularly think there is a need for a sweater in the middle of summer in California but I'm not going to disagree. The clothes fit like a glove and I wonder when they had the time to have them made for me.

"This is your communication radio, it goes in your ear and a small mic was placed in your sleeve." Forrest says while indicating the slight bulge on my right sleeve. "Hold it down and speak into it, you'll be speaking to your whole unit. During the summer we keep a relatively small crew only ten men, now eleven with you. Patrols groups alternate nights, you'll be with me, Graham, and Finn. This is your weapon, it's a taser that can shock the hostiles up to 25,000 volts, remember it's a weapon not a toy." He states for emphasis looking at me as if I'm a child.

Picking up my taser I find it to be a rather inadequate weapon to use on vampires and demons. However, I'm learning slowly that the Initiative is more about capture than termination. It seems a rather foolish idea though it does intrigue that darker side of my personality. The slayer inside me shifts in wonder and frustration. The fact that I'm going out to capture instead of kill is disappointing. I feel a bit like a man watching a stripper for hours. I crave, desperate to touch, to taste, to play, and am instead limited to watching.

Listening to Finn I learn that it is a routine patrol and that we are not out searching for anything specific. The more I listen the more I think that this is a waste of time. My heart clenches in fear at the thought that I might encounter Buffy out on my group patrol. I haven't seen her since the night Angel was poisoned. I've had a burning need to see her, to glimpse one more time the other half of my heart. Yet I deny myself that glimpse. She's like being addicted to alcohol, I can tell myself one sip will be enough but I know in my heart it never will be. If I see her I'll want more especially now that her little group has dwindled down to Willow. She'll be isolated, desolated from the loss of her precious Angel, I could sweep in and be her rock to lean on. But I won't be, I can't be, not if I want to keep my sanity in check.

Buffy brings out the darker side of my personality, the damaged part, the side that wants to claim, that wants to be noticed. When I'm around her and I can't have her attention I feel like raging against the walls of my mind, to scream and roar my frustration. I want to take away everything from her until all she has is me. Those thoughts still linger from my dream and my current emotional confusion I know comes from the future that was but will no longer be. I won't be that person. I won't keep trying to tear her apart so she'll be mine. I learned that night that it was a futile move on my part. If Buffy ever comes to love me to want me as much as I want her it has to be something she learns on her own. I will not force her hand; I will not force myself up her as I did so often before.

Following the others down a side corridor, down a tunnel and into the woods surrounding campus I put my mind on autopilot. I should be paying closer attention but honestly I don't feel it's necessary. This is my element. When I hunt I am clear of all thoughts focused solely on my prey wherever it may be. Now it seems unnecessary considering I'm surrounded by a bunch of well built men. Whatever demon happens upon us may take me by surprise but it probably won't take them. I normally don't rely on others to keep me safe or alert but it seems in this situation it might be okay to do so.

Letting my mind flow back on its path of contemplation I let it slide over the darker parts of my past both the real and the future life that feels more like my past than a future. My mind sinks back to Paris and my expectations at the time of having the most wonderful vacation ever. I was excited, we had always gone somewhere special during the summers but Paris was on my list of places to visit before I died. The year before I was kidnapped we had spent three weeks touring Italy. We travelled by train from Genoa to Rome, stopping in Bologna, Pisa, and Florence in between. It was a great trip and I had expected the trip to France would be just as wonderful. We had started by going to Nice and spending three days along its gorgeous beaches. Then we travelled to Grasse where we watched them make perfume and had picnics among the fields of flowers. We were to spend a week in Paris visiting all the sights. On the third night however, they took me.

I still don't know who they were and I don't think I will ever find out. Overall I think it was a crime of opportunity and planning. I don't doubt for a moment that the men who kidnapped me had watched me and my family throughout the time we were in Paris. The convenience came from me, and my desire to stare at the Seine looking towards Notre Dame. We were at the Notre Dame Hotel and I rushed out ahead of my brothers who were reluctant to follow me out into the steamy night air of Paris. Yet they followed though several paces back and it was their youth in combination with my excitement that gave my kidnappers the perfect opportunity. Standing at the railing next to the Seine I stared to the right at Notre Dame Cathedral. It was a glorious sight and it was my last. For the brief moment I felt complete serenity surrounded by darkness interspersed with light. I had no religion and God was a figment of men's imagination but for that moment I could have believed.

I suppose since I don't actually know that the men came from behind me. In seconds my mouth was covered with a cloth and a sweet smell permeated my senses. My world faded and soon only blackness filled my vision. I didn't dream or at least I don't think I did. When I finally came to my senses I was bound and gagged lying on top of a dirty mattress. I heard men's voices but they made no sense either because I couldn't understand the language or because my brain was still fuzzy. I waited for something to happen, anything to help stop the fear pumping through my veins as I realized that I was in trouble. My parents were realists and I had never been shielded from the reality of the world. I knew without a doubt that I was in danger. I didn't know what kind but I knew instinctively that I was not going to like it.

A man came in to the dingy room several hours after I had come to. My desire to urinate had increased with every second but the inability to move prevented me not only from escape but from finding a place to relieve myself. Finally desperation took over and my bladder released itself with reluctance. It was a sweet relief that was temporary as I felt the warmth emanating from my middle up to my chest and down my legs. That sweet warmth soon turned cold and I felt disgust for myself. The man clearly felt that same when he saw me lying in a pool of my own urine. I couldn't help the tears that started when he started yelling nor the muffled yelp of pain as he smacked me hard across my cheek.

Another man interrupted my abuser and I was only too grateful. The new man's voice was stern but he was gorgeous. His eyes were like cobalt glass and his hair the color of ripened wheat. If I wasn't so afraid I think I would have developed a crush. He was my savior and for him I calmed almost immediately. He sent my abuser away and helped me up and into a bathroom. Silently he cleaned my face and slowly began removing my clothes. With soft hands and firm strokes he washed my body. I was left in a state of fear and hope. Fear of what he planned for me and hope that he was actually here to help me. The hope was short lived for he kept me bound and gagged. Once he finished cleaning me he unbound me long enough to get me dressed in a school girl's outfit. I thought of trying to escape but two thoughts immediately came to mind preventing me from even trying. The first was that I had no idea where I was and the second was that my abuser was right down the hall and I could only imagine what he would do to me if I tried. Instead I stayed gagged and pliant, I hoped for a better opportunity to come up. It never did.

I was drugged shortly after I was bathed and from a medical point of view I don't think, to this day, that it is a good idea to inject heroin into a 65lbs 12 ½ year old girl. It was a high I will never be able to fully explain. The most basic explanation I have is that everything felt good. Every touch was ecstasy and every caress a blessing. I know that once the high left me that I had already been sold. How long I lived in the land of pleasure I don't know. The first time I came down fully I found myself in a room decorated in decadence and comfort. It was Mohammed's chamber's I had been so artfully deposited into. The man I would soon call Master and obey in all things, the man who would introduce me to the pleasures and horrors of the flesh.

It is interesting looking back and time I think has helped me to distance myself from the situation. Now I look at the past more as an observer than as the victim. The Slayer inside me I think shields me from the past. She is reptilian in nature, cold, calm, collected, waiting patiently for each kill, waiting patiently for the night so that she may hunt. I find the more time I've had to study myself over the last couple of months the more I've made my slayer into a separate entity and I feel that she is in fact a being in her own right. She controls me on occasion, comes to the foreground of my consciousness while I hunt the cemeteries. She's never fully in control but I always feel her there like a large black panther. I feel her silky fur caress me the closer it gets to night. I feel her comfort me when the shadows of my past threaten to over take me. She rubs me and purrs at me always working hard to keep me on task with her needs. It's a strange symbiotic relationship that I find has helped me greatly over the two years since I have been free of Mohammed and especially Riyad.

"Halt" I hear in my ear and my body automatically stops. I've been on auto pilot for what I can only assume is a long time since we are rather far away from campus. We're stopped on the outskirts of a small park. The playground is empty and the baseball and soccer fields are deserted except for a young blonde woman walking through the park. It's clear she is calm and unafraid. I wonder if Buffy realizes she projects the fact that she is more hunter than prey. I wonder why vampires are even willing to try attacking her.

We wait silently and I wait for her to notice me, to feel our connection pulling at her like it is now pulling at me. Instead she walks blithely on. I guess she is done patrolling this particular park. I rarely patrolled the parks. Amazingly enough it had never occurred to me to do so. I would think people would make sure their children were in by sunset, especially in a town like Sunnydale. Then again there was always the dumb teenager who thought it would be fun to hang out at a deserted park after dark. I made a mental note to start patrolling the playgrounds and parks in Cleveland once I got back home. Home what a funny word. Strange, I now thought of Cleveland as just that; my home.

Once she is out of sight the team waits a couple of moments before continuing on. I fall back in step once again letting my slayer out to keep an eye out for the both of us. My mind is temporarily having an overload of memories past and present. The fact that I just witnessed Buffy and Riley's first meeting of sorts makes me feel like I just walked into the Twilight Zone. The fact that I know they will get together in the not too distant future is a little gut wrenching as well. Again my darker side, my panther roars, she knows that Buffy belongs to us. She objects to the idea that what is ours is not in our possession. I take a couple of deep breaths calming down my slayer. My introspection has also led me to wonder if Buffy is in fact my soul mate or if she is my slayer's soul mate. Are our slayer's destined to be together? Is this where my attraction is coming from? It's been a thought that has been plaguing me since my conversation with Cor about me finding someone "special".

I've been strongly attracted to Buffy Anne Summers since the second I saw her. I have never believed in love at first sight so color me surprised when I became one of its victims. Then again I wonder if my past isn't the thing coloring my views of Buffy. I spent three and a half years learning to become a possession. Have I in turn decided that the meaning of love is possession? I know in my future that the thing I wanted most was to own Buffy, to possess her mind, body, and soul. Now that I know my fate and am actively working towards avoiding it am I still stuck in the mind frame that it is necessary to own the object of my desire? Whoever would have thought that patrolling with a bunch of guys would be the perfect time to study myself?

I've come to terms with my avoided fate. I've processed it and it has become in a strange way a part of my past. I reflect upon it as much as I do the life I have lived. I try from time to time to see where I have gone wrong and what in my past is causing the current turmoil. The time since my prophecy has been spent in bettering myself but also in thinking and understanding the person I had become. What had caused me to go down such a dark path? I can't lay the blame at other people's doors because I do understand the majority of it was my own fault. I was drowning and I didn't know how to reach out for help. The fact that the people around me were not exactly helpful didn't help but I can't lay the blame on them. Everybody has shit going on and honestly I believe that you are not responsible for other's actions.

I think seeing my future self gave me a better understanding of my current self. It gave me the opportunity to see my past objectively and to see that if I let it, it would destroy me a second time around. I've been away from Riyad for only two years and one month. It's hardly enough time to call myself emotionally healed. The scars haven't even fully faded. When I have the courage I look at my back and though the lines are faint, they are still there. My body, if you look closely, is a map of the tortures Riyad inflicted on me. It's amazing what slayer healing can do. I never thought it would take care of old scars.

I don't know how Kate did it, she didn't divulge and at the time I didn't want to know how she had found me, how she had taken me. I spent the majority of my time going between ultimate highs and lows, with cravings in between. The drugs made me easier to mold for Riyad. They allowed him to get the reactions he wanted, the screams he needed. The cravings made me beg and plead, willing to do anything if it meant I got another fix. Looking at me now you would never know I had been a junkie. Kate got me out. I don't know if she bought me, kidnapped me, or negotiated for me, I just know that she saved me. I didn't think it was much of a saving at the time since I had yet to be called. My body was going through withdrawal and it made me beg and scream and cry. I wanted Riyad because I knew he would give me what I needed and I had grown to the point that I no longer cared what he did if it meant I got it. I didn't care until it was over and I was in the space between sober and craving, and the knowledge of what he was penetrated my brain. I think that Riyad might have finally grown tired of me. He had a wife and other concubines but I was his toy and I can only suppose that he got tired of playing with me. I still have nightmares and I still don't sleep well if at all at night but I am still healing. I'm hoping exhaustion will help me sleep from now on.

"Alright guys let's call it a night." I hear through my ear piece. I've been in semi alert mode so my stance has looked proper as we've walked patrol. I've kept in the formation demanded of me and other wise stayed quiet. I heard chatter here and there mostly due to my slayer hearing but managed to filter most of it out. Walking back to campus I again reflect that this entire patrol routine seems pointless to say the least. Activity in Sunnydale from what I have heard through the experienced voices of Buffy and friends is rather limited. I doubt the Initiative is actually able to capture a lot of demons during the summer. I suppose that might be why I have no deadline in regards to my autopsy.

Thinking back to my autopsy I'm brought back to the mystery that is the Initiative. I know the motto, I got the packet, and I even got a background history but it's not all making sense with the little I learned from Buffy. What I know and what I am seeing and what I can prove are very different things. I can prove that Walsh is experimenting on demons. That however is the point of the project. It is her assignment to understand the supernatural world and its demons. She is following the orders given to her from wherever. What I remember hearing is that she is building a super soldier who is homicidal. However, here is the glitch; I have no proof and nothing that would make a normal person suspicious. As far as I can tell everything here is a squeaky clean as any secret underground government project can be. Have they broken any laws? As of yet I have no proof though again my memories tell me that they did experiment on the soldiers. That is illegal but again the problem is I have no proof and no leads to go on. The only thing I can do is keep my eyes and ears open. Do I intend to stop the Initiative? No, it was never on my agenda and I still believe in keeping things the way they should be. I wasn't here the first time around and in a way I won't be here the second time either. I suspect whatever will go down with the Initiative will still go down. I also suspect that it will still be Buffy who brings down this operation and I wish her luck. If I see or learn that Walsh is experimenting on the soldiers will I blow the whistle? You can bet your ass I will if I can find a way to prove it and someone high enough to believe me.

Returning to base I follow the others into the armory and get back into my civilian clothes. We go through a quick debriefing and I'm starting to feel the strain of the day already. Looking at my watch I see that it's only eleven. It's rather early and I kinda wish I could actually go out again and find a kill for the night. I suspect that however would be a very bad idea. I don't know how much Walsh knows about me but I'm not willing to let her find out more about me in case she is watching me. Going up the elevator with my group I stay silent and make my way to the door the second the elevator opens. I'm out into the night in seconds and making my way to my dorm room when I hear someone call out my name.

Turning around I see Finn half jogging up to me and I can't help but let my puzzlement show. Did I forget something? I wait for him to catch up and refrain from saluting since we are in public. Nodding my head once in a show of respect I wait for him to talk. It takes a while and the silence slowly builds between us. I look at him expectantly and I can tell he is struggling, trying to find a way to get whatever he wants to say out. I finally decide that the silence is a little too much and break it. "Is there something I can help you with Sir?" I ask being formal since we left only minutes ago.

"Uh yeah and you don't need to call me sir when we are in public." He gets out with a slight blush I'm sure is climbing up his cheeks. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You stayed quiet throughout patrol and I wanted to make sure everything was okay." He says repeating himself.

"Everything was fine, thank you." I state politely wondering in the back of my mind if my CO was actually developing a crush on me.

"Alright, um, well have a good night." He says before turning around and walking back to the frat house shaking his head in what she assumed was frustration.

I wanted to laugh and it took a great deal of effort to restrain that laughter. I could hardly tell my CO that I am more gay than straight. He would probably report it and then I would have a whole new set of problems to deal with. No that was a secret and I have every intention of being discrete. I am grateful that I am a woman; it makes it easier to hide if I need to. Not that I need to at the moment. No life was too busy and too complicated for a love affair. I considered a one night stand. Had considered on more than once but never felt I could make that sacrifice. Being a slayer gives me control, but having a one night stand meant placing a certain amount of trust in a complete strange, I can't do it. I'm damaged, broken even, when it came to sex. However, that damage did not stop the urge, the lust that coursed through my veins like a drug after a good slay. It was an ending and a satisfaction I had denied myself for a very long time.

I wasn't sure I could handle having sex with someone yet but I agreed that it was time to start taking steps in that direction. It was time to start looking for a partner, maybe not be a lifelong partner, just someone to connect with, to trust, and to find pleasure in and from. Pity I'm in Sunnydale. At least I'd finally come to the conclusion that I am ready for the next step.


	4. Meeting Tara

authors note: Well I am impressed with the reviews considering there aren't all that many people reading. I am also impressed considering Fighting the Future really was one of my earliest work and not the best if I am being honest with myself. My best was really Death's Hand but I became totally blocked and deleted the story when I couldn't go any further.

So as promised here is another chapter and I give my many thanks to those of you who are actually reading this story

Getting up early Faith wonders if she even slept at all, it certainly doesn't feel like she did. Dragging herself from bed she stretches quickly getting out all the kinks. Grabbing her clothes for the day she makes her way into the bathroom, takes a quick shower, and changes. Brushing her teeth she stares in the mirror. Rinsing out her mouth she puts away her toothbrush and collects her books for the day. Today is her first day of History, English, and Chem. Lab. She figures it will be a quick day considering both classes will only go over the curriculum and lab will mostly be going over lab safety procedure.

Thankful that her first class isn't until nine Faith takes her time and goes to the cafeteria for breakfast. Showing her ID she enters the café and goes through the rows of food and picks out scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, and a bowl of mixed fruit. Stopping last at the refreshment area she picks up a cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice. Last she stops and picks up a banana to get her daily dose of potassium. Looking around the cafeteria she spots a dirty blonde woman with her head down reading a book. Something about that girl sparks a memory that is faded and just out of reach. Deciding to make a friend and at least work on her human relationships Faith makes her way towards the blonde.

"May I join you?" She asks hoping the girl will say yes, never good to start a day with rejection.

The blonde looks up startled. She stares at Faith for a moment eyes widening slightly. Looking around at all the empty tables she stares at Faith in puzzlement before nodding her head in assent. Letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding Faith puts down her tray and pulls out her seat.

"My name is Faith by the way."

"Tara" The blonde stated simply and returned to reading her book.

Once again Faith felt a vague niggling in the back of her mind telling her she knew the girl in front of her. Yet it was obvious she didn't and that the girl in question clearly did not know her. Looking back at her food Faith wondered how to start a conversation. It wasn't hard at least it normally wasn't. She was good at flirting, she was great with sex appeal, but she sucked at making chit chat. It wasn't something she had ever really needed to do. During her supposed developmental years she wasn't learning how to socialize, instead she was learning how to be appealing, how to please. Working on human relationships, human connections were difficult. The reason she had become so close with Cordelia was because Cordy was the initiator. If it had been up to Faith she would still be the lone wolf howling pitifully at the moon. Currently she felt like she was all over again.

"So what made you decide to go to school during the summer?" She asked before taking a bite of her eggs. They had started to cool while she puzzled out a topic of conversation.

Tara looked up from her book in surprise and Faith wondered if she should just get up and leave. It was clear that the girl did not want to be bothered. She was debating whether or not to find another seat when Tara broke the uncomfortable silence. "I figured it would be wise to get a head start. I had enough credits to graduate early so I did. Staying home however wasn't much of an option so I decided to enroll for summer courses." The statement was made with hints of hesitation and the undertone told Faith that Tara's home life was anything but comfortable.

Nodding her head Faith wondered where to go in their conversation. There was no question asked back just a simple statement of fact. Again she felt like she had to make a move and again she was lost as to what that move would be. Deciding to follow Cordy's method of conversation she went for broke and blurted out: "Do you want me to leave?"

Again Tara looked at her in surprise and Faith had a feeling that by the end of breakfast the girl's eyebrows would be permanently raised. "I'm sorry, I'm just surprised is all."

"Yeah I've gotten that feeling off of you." Faith said with a smile hoping to break the tension that had slowly developed.

"I…I'm just not sure why you wanted to sit here." Tara said blushing lightly. "I don't mean to be rude I'm just confused is all."

"Well I know there are other tables to sit at but I figured since it's the beginning of the summer session that it would be nice to get to know someone new." It sounded lame even to her ears and Faith wished Cor was there to help smooth everything over.

"Oh…well alright I guess." Tara floundered for a bit and gave Faith a small smile. "So what are you studying?" She asked with another small smile.

"Chemical engineering though I think I might switch to Biochemical engineering." Faith replied thinking the topic was lame but happy that they were at least talking. "How about you?" She asked taking a closer look at the blonde. She wasn't beautiful in a classic sense, she wasn't the type of girl that would make guys fall at her feet and beg for a smile, yet she had a beauty of her own. It was in the small smiles that lit up a twinkle in her eye, the slight twitch of her cheek as if she found the whole situation funny. Her hair was a mix of highlights; it was long and hung below her shoulders. Faith noticed that Tara used it more as a shield against the world and found a sense of kinship. It was easy to spot the damaged people once you had been damaged. She was curious about Tara's body, she wondered if she was slender and willowy, or curvaceous and voluptuous. Personally Faith didn't think she had a type when it came to sexual attraction but she did have a keen sense of appreciation for the human form. She liked Tara, she didn't know why but the spark of curiosity had transformed into a spark of lust.

"Honestly not completely sure at the moment. I figured I might as well take the required core courses while I decide. I'm leaning in towards becoming a Doctor to be honest, I thought lawyer but I don't exactly have the killer shark instinct they tend to have." Tara paused trying to figure out what topic to move on to.

"Would you like to go out on a date with me?" Faith asked going for bust. Normally she would have avoided making an overt gesture. Normally she would have taken longer to feel a woman out to see if they were actually interested in women. She didn't feel it was necessary with Tara, something about Tara pinged her gaydar and she knew it wasn't a mistake. It might be a mistake in the sense that she could be shut down really quickly but she knew without a moment of doubt that Tara was driving on the same side of the road as she was. The hesitation Faith saw made her continue. "You don't have to say yes and I won't get offended."

"I don't really know you well enough to say yes or no." Tara finally answered.

"Well that's the point of a date anyways, or at least that is what I am told, so come out with me nothing fancy or formal and we can get to know each other. Heck we've already started paving the way. I'm not asking for your hand in marriage or for you to come to bed with me. I'm just asking you to dinner or dancing or something you like."

"Well when you put it that way it sure I would like to go out on a date with you. Is this the prelude to our date then?" She asked innocently a slight flush rising up her neck and over her cheeks.

Smiling Faith nodded, she thought that for once things were finally going easy for her. Remembering the realities of her life she frowned, the DADT was a large mare in her plans but she hoped with a bit of time she could bring it up with Tara. If they even went to the point of being in a relationship. Shaking off her own frustrations and uneasy Faith gave Tara a dimpled smile.

"So shall we continue with a mundane line of conversation or delve deeper?" Faith asked with a smile, she saw the blush crawl up Tara's neck again and hoped she wasn't crossing a line or embarrassing the girl. "If I am embarrassing you, you are more than free to smack me and tell me to stop." Faith added seeing the blush increase and cursing her big mouth.

"Nnno, I...I…I, sometimes I just blush." Tara said a stutter at the beginning catching Faith's ear. She knew instantly that she had indeed embarrassed the blonde.

"Well I guess I can go first." Faith started attempting to ease the blonde's nerves. "I was born in Weston, Massachusetts. I have a mom, dad, and three brothers; two of which are older than me. I moved out here last October and then moved to Cleveland last January. I go to the University of Cleveland full time but am taking summer courses here." She decided for a first encounter it would be a bit much to mention the Initiative or that she didn't move to Sunnydale by choice in the first place. "My birthday is in December and I'm turning eighteen this year. My favorite color is black, my favorite band is Linkin Park, and my best friend's name is Cordelia. Your turn" Faith said opening the discussion to go into Tara's life. "Oh and my last name is Lehane." She added quickly.

"Okay since it's my turn my name is Tara Maclay and I'm just shy of eighteen my birthday is in the middle of July. I have an older brother and my mother recently passed away." Faith caught the sudden sadness that filled the blonde's eyes and knew that the blonde had loved her mother deeply. She sympathized knowing the loss of a loved one quiet keenly. "I've always lived in California. I…I…I'm a a practicing Wwwicca. My favorite color is light blue, I don't have a favorite band, and and well I don't know what else to say really." Tara ended off not sure what else to say and unable to think of anything.

It was clear to Faith that Tara was still slightly nervous especially when she confessed to being a Wicca. At the back of her mind Faith wondered if she would be able to confess her own supernatural lifestyle. She knew she couldn't just blurt out 'oh yes and I'm a slayer' but the thought of slowly easing out a confession sounded rather nice. Cordelia was the only other person in her life who knew and in a way understood the burden and wonders of being a slayer. Since seeing Buffy's support network Faith had begun to desire the same thing. She wondered if that was the main factor in Buffy's continued success as a slayer. Most slayers' Faith had begun to suspect died early less because of a bad situation or because of the job but because they had finally grown tired of the constant isolation.

Faith watched Tara look at the clock on the far wall. She assumed it was time or close to the time for the little Wicca to go. "So let's say I'll pick you up on Saturday, we can do a picnic in the park, get to know each other better. Sound okay with you?" She asked hoping her idea wasn't the most terrible thing ever heard of. She had no idea where 'picnic' had come from but at least it was an idea.

"That sounds wonderful." Taking out a sheet of paper Tara wrote down her name, phone number, and dorm room. Folding up the sheet she handed it to Faith with a smile and telling her it was time for her to get to class.

Faith clutched the piece of paper in her hand and let out a big smile. She felt victorious. That feeling however was short and fleeting when she realized she didn't have a kitchen and couldn't exactly prepare a picnic. Frowning deeply she considered her options and there really was only one; takeout food. She would have preferred preparing something for Tara but it seemed that was out of the picture. Now all she had to do was find out what type of food Tara ate. During breakfast she hadn't been paying close attention to the blonde's tray so she had no idea if Tara was a vegan, vegetarian, or an omnivore. Reminding herself that she had four more days to figure out Tara's dietary needs and restrictions Faith got back to her breakfast. It was cool but she finished it off anyway. Finishing up her cup of coffee Faith let herself think of what else she could plan for her upcoming date. There was a sense of glee to the whole idea of going out on a date. It was her first. She had never had the opportunity to go out on a date. The men she flirted with made their intentions known and she hadn't bothered flirting with woman in Sunnydale. In hindsight she knew she could have gone on dates, she could have made an effort to be in a relationship but she knew that she hadn't been ready for that step.

It made her wonder how her life would have been if she hadn't been kidnapped. Would she have known from the get go that she was indeed a little more lesbian than straight? Would it have taken years and multiple boyfriends before she had figured it out? Would she even have figured it out? Maybe she would have believed that she was straight. She didn't know if it was Riyad or just her own inclination that had pushed her towards women. She found me attractive but she had never been sexually attracted to one. They were appealing like statues where appealing she liked looking at them well enough and she appreciated the beauty of the male anatomy she just didn't want to have sex with it.

Thinking of Tara she imagined the blonde. Tara dressed like she didn't want to be noticed. Faith supposed that was part of the appeal, why she found Tara interesting. The girls who had hinted at Faith in Cleveland were all obvious in their knowledge that they were beautiful. Faith knew that she was beautiful or that at least most men and women considered her to be beautiful. Tara on the other hand clearly had never seen her own beauty. A part of Faith wanted to be the one to show how beautiful she actually was. Tara's clothes left a lot to be imagined since they were full, bordering on baggy. Tara's clothes hide the body beneath it. It left Faith curious.

Getting up and getting rid of her tray Faith walked to the bathroom surprised she had spent so much time in the cafeteria. Using the toilet and washing her hands she took a moment to stare at herself in the mirror. Long wavy brown hair, lightly tanned skin, and deep chocolate eye's looked back at her. She knew she had sex appeal, which she could make flow out of her very pores, now she hoped to tone it down and keep Tara comfortable. Strange to think that from now own she would have to work on toning down the very things that had been beaten into her. Shaking her head in resignation Faith dried off her hands and made her way across campus to her first Class; English 102.

Walking in to class she wasn't surprised to see that it was small, only 13 students. She wondered if the English classes were normally this small or if it was because it was summer. Taking her seat she waited patiently for the professor to come in. She didn't bother making small talk with the other students that slowly filed into the class. The teacher entered five minutes later, shut the door and wrote her name on the board; Professor Decinso. Taking out her notebook Faith prepared to take a couple of mundane notes. The professor dropped a small stack of papers onto the first desk and told girl to pass them along. Grabbing the packet of papers Faith took a syllabus and curriculum before passing the ever decreasing pile on. Looking down at the paper she read through the syllabus and the policies of the school and the expectations of the professor. It was the same thing she had read more than once and she did more skimming than actual reading.

Listening as the Professor droned on about the future books they were to read and outline the curriculum Faith let herself slide in and out of attention. Finally the professor called it a day and Faith moved on to the history department and her World History class. The only difference between on class and another was the professor. Once again a curriculum and syllabus were passed out and once again the rules and policies were overviewed. Not even bothering to pay attention Faith made a note to start reading chapter 10 in her World History book since it seemed they would be jumping from chapter to chapter. She also made a note to start reading "The Yellow Wallpaper" since it was the first short story in her English class.

Finally leaving History she felt as if she had spent six hours in each classroom instead of the hour and a half it actually was. Three hours of her day had been wasted and she knew that she had a three hour lab to go. She knew it wouldn't be a three hour lab but it did not make her feel any better about wasting her time. Releasing a small groan Faith makes her way to the science department and into the lab. The door is closed and locked, looking at her watch she realizes she is early. Looking over she notices that a couple of other students are also patiently waiting for the door to open. Taking a place at a good distance from the others she takes a seat against the wall

"Hi my name is Fred and you are?" A young man asks to Faith's far right. Looking at him closely she mentally groan. He's cute which means he's probably going to try to work up the courage to ask her out. "Faith" She stated simply turning her attention back to the lab door praying fervently that it would open and the professor would usher them in. She was out of luck.

"So what made you take Chem.?" Fred continued seemingly oblivious.

"Part of my major, no choice really." She stated simply again hoping the conversation would come to a stop. She supposed one of the main reasons she refrained from having actual conversations with men was because she didn't want to be asked out.

"Let me guess you want to become a nurse?" Fred asked curious and hopeful all at once.

Shaking her head no Faith continued to stare at the door.

"Okay do you want to go into the medical field?" Fred asked probing for the general area of study.

"I'm studying to become a chemical engineer." Faith finally blurted out trying to stop the inane questioning before it got any further. Thankfully after she finished speaking the professor opened the door and she was happy to be ushered in. Putting her things away as the professor instructed Faith was happy to find a chair far away from Fred. Sitting down she accepted her packet of lab rules, syllabus, and curriculum and listened to the professor drone on and on about lab safety.

The second everything was signed and passed in Faith made a beeline for her stuff followed by rushing out the door. She had managed to avoid Fred. Breathing a sigh of relief she went straight to the lab. Her autopsy was in the forefront of her mind and she wanted to get back to it as soon as possible. There was nothing she could to about her upcoming date and classes were over and there was no patrol. It felt good to be alive she thought as she was scanned and entered the elevator.


	5. Pre-date Jitters

AN: Sorry this took longer than the other but I have been very busy and internet access has been limited where I am working. But today I have the time to post and the laptop to do it with so here it is...yay!

"Subject has two large sharp bone like skewers undoubtedly a form of defense or attack. The subject has sharp claws at the end of each fingertip. They are sharp and able to penetrate deep into tissue. The skewer is controlled by a series of complex muscles. From what I am able to determine the muscle are in a constant state of contraction until the subject is threatened or is ready to attack. Then the muscle relaxes letting the bone skewer slide out through two skin flaps. The skewers are approximately a foot and a half in length and it is subject to change in length depending on the size of the subject. To retract the skewers the subject's muscles begin to constrict slowly pulling the skewer back in.

"I've dissected a layer of the skin and found that it is made up of many layers such as human skin. However, the characteristics of the subject's cells are a mixture of reptilian and amphibian. There are no gills that I have been able to locate but I've come to assume based on the underlying skin structure that water can permeate through the skin. It might be a secondary form of breathing such as certain species of amphibians are capable of. There are tentacles like structure hanging over and covering the oral opening. After removing the tentacles I found three layers of teeth the forefront are sharp and made for ripping. The back teeth are still sharp but duller than the front.

"Returning to the skewers I found a small duct that I assume releases a type of paralytic into whatever pray has been skewered. I've tested the remaining paralytic on a lab rat and found it to be rather effective. It allows the rat to continue breathing but stops it from moving. Fascinating overall. It would make for both a great defense mechanism as well as an offensive weapon."

"Faith?"

Immediately I stop typing and reach over and shut off the tape recorder. Turning around I see Walsh and Riley invade my lab. Standing to attention I make a small salute and hate the fact that I have to do it. I will admit that the majority of the time Finn is rather lax when it comes to showing public respect to his authority. Walsh I found has become rather lax about that as well unless she takes on her authoritative voice. From watching how she interacts with the soldiers I've noticed she tries to mother them a little bit. Overall I'm rather creeped out by the psychotic professor mothering anyone.

"I told Riley you would be in here. You are late for patrol." She tells me and her voice sounds almost indulgent as if I have pleased her immensely. I suppose I have pleased her considering the amount of time I've spent working on this damn autopsy. I've finally finished and clearly I've become over absorbed with finishing my notations. I can't believe I'm late.

Nodding my head in abashed shame I excuse myself and hurry to the armory where the others have already suited up and are waiting. Ignoring the pointed looks I suit up, grab my mic and hearing piece along with my taser. Finn and Walsh followed me at what I assume to have been a leisurely pace. When I'm ready I turn to find them there both looking at me intently. I do my best to refrain from blushing and wait for my orders.

"Tonight we have a specific target in mind. There have been reports of a large spider like creature roaming the woods surrounding the campus. We've only had one attack thankfully but now that we are sure of its existence we must hunt it down." Walsh began addressing the whole group. "Do not let it get on top of you from behind or from the front. From the autopsy report of the homeless man attacked by this creature we know that it consumes the heart. Others have spotted it and wisely ran away. Its last spotting was in the south quadrant near the playgrounds. I cannot stress how important it is that we capture this creature." Walsh finished and her last words were obviously a clear dismissal that I missed.

The whole team as one unit it seemed moved out and I was quickly being dragged along with it. Personally I find it to be incredibly retarded to walk out into the dark woods with only a taser when there is a monster waiting to eat out your heart. Nope not even a remotely smart thing to do yet here I am along with the other idiots doing exactly that. If it weren't for the fact that I know what Walsh is up to I would be very curious as to why the Initiative only wants us to capture demons and always alive. From my autopsy I've more than proved that there is plenty we can learn without risking our necks taking in live demons.

Shaking my head at the blithe and willing ignorance of everybody in the Initiative I am vaguely reminded of sheep running off a cliff. Damn why do I have to be in the middle of the herd? Shaking my head again to dispel the image of suicidal sheep out of my head I try to keep my attention and my senses on my environment. The deeper into the woods we go the more I feel my slayer stretching out its legs preparing itself for the hunt.

The woods are silent except for the usual night noises. I clear my head and let my slayer slide into the front seat of my consciousness. I watch through her eyes occasionally reminding my slayer that this is a retrieval mission. The slayer balks at the mere idea but I reinforce it with my own will and I feel my slayer calm. An owl hoots deep into the darkness as it hunts its prey. Something large scuttles through the trees above. I turn my attention up while keeping pace with the others. My night vision is good but the moon is waning and offers little to no light to relieve the darkness. Again I am reminded of sheep. A smart person would wait till the moon was full to hunt a large spider like creature in the woods. Flashlights help don't get me wrong but they are nothing in this type of darkness. The woods swallow the light leaving us only the path in front of us. Baaaaaahhh

The scuttling gets closer and even though I can't see anything I know something is hunting us. My slayer shivers in delight excited now that the creature is close. Staring into the tree tops I see a shadow against the starlit sky. Turning quickly I break formation and point my taser at the creature. Without thought I squeeze the trigger and watch as a flash of electricity rend the darkness and misses by inches. I hear the others move shifting into a defensive position searching out the darkness above us.

I see more electricity rip through the darkness and look to my left at Forrest. I immediately look up and still there is nothing but darkness. The creature is still here I can feel it but the question remains; where? My eyes keep combing the trees and I hear a thump quickly followed by a manly scream to my right. Lannister is down and the monster is on top of him pinning him. His screams continue even as he struggles. The others don't dare to fire knowing that he will be part of the electrical current. Letting go of my Taser move towards Lannister only semi clueless as to how to help him. I know I have to get it off him the question becomes how to do so. There are a lot of legs to grab onto but I have no idea if that will actually help me. Going for broke I grab the two hind legs and yank hard. The front legs buckle and if possible Lannister screams even louder. Dragging it back I get it off him and immediately let go. My instincts scream for me to kill it while its down but I know better than to try. Flinging myself back I hear the whir of multiple tasers firing and see the night sky lighten temporarily.

The beast is down and out for the count. Wonderful, great really, now what do I do with my own dissatisfaction of not making a kill? Nothing that's what. Grinding my teeth in frustration I wipe the dirt off my clothes, stand up straight and reposition my taser. Finn comes up to me and pats me on the back with a 'nicely done soldier'. Nicely done would have been if I had been able to kill the damn thing. No this was not nicely done this was following pointless orders. Nodding my head in supposed thanks I listen as Finn calls for transport. The rest of the soldiers have already begun restraining the spider and I'm left standing there wishing I was in a cemetery.

Thanking the gods that it was a relatively short night I consider making my way to the cemeteries but decide against it. Walsh obviously has eyes in a variety of places and I don't want her to look at me any closer than she already has. I plan on pleasing her and being a good soldier. Sometimes the best weapon is lulling someone into thinking you are on their side. All I have to do is play by her rules until I get my freedom back. All I have to do is get through the summer. The idea of not slaying all summer though is starting to get on my nerves. I might have to make a daytime attack on a nest to get rid of my building jitters.

Walking back to campus and into the Initiative I begin my report of the nights events. It only takes half an hour to write up a proper report. I return to my lab to finish up my notes feeling the almost urgent need to get it all down and done. I have a whole date to plan and I don't want this on my mind during that date. If I have this out of the way then I can take a whole day off from my lab as well. It will give me more time to set everything up.

Three hours later I trudge back to my dorm room satisfied with my notes and my work. The only bad part is that tomorrow is my date and I still have no real clue as to what I am going to do. Putting those stressful thoughts out of my head I go straight into the bathroom to wash up. Getting out of the shower I dry off and slide into the sweet bliss of 350 count sheets. It's a little taste of heaven and I'm glad I bought them. Blanking out my mind I let myself slide into darkness with the hope that inspiration will come from my subconscious mind.

My alarm clock buzzing loudly drags me from what I feel must have been a pleasant dream. I feel sluggish and think it would be so sweet to turn it off and slide back into whatever I had been dreaming about. The thought that today is the day I go on my first date brings me closer to the surface of waking. Shutting off my alarm I lay back down for a couple of minutes and try to think of what to do. I know what I don't want to do and I think that is a good place to start. I don't want to go to a movie. I don't think they are very conducive to actually learning anything about someone, well except for the characters in said movie. I don't want to learn about characters I want to learn about Tara. Tara just saying her name brings a slight smile to my face. She's damaged and it's obvious to anyone who has been damaged. She's not broken like me but something tells me she will understand me. No we are not going to the movies.

I don't want to go to a restaurant either. It's not that I mind overpaying for food cause I do. I don't want to be crammed in a space with a bunch of strangers trying desperately to make conversation while feeling awkward. No we are not going to a restaurant. However I would like us to have something to eat. That thought of course brings on the thought of having a picnic. It's my original idea but I had rather hoped to expand upon it. Obviously my brain is stuck on picnic and isn't going to move from there any time soon. That's just fucking great. Alright picnic it is and I think I said at the park. Now which park? Great something else to worry needlessly over.

Getting up I grab a pair of sweat pants, a sports bra, and a tank top and go into the bathroom. Going through my morning ritual I brush my teeth, wash my face, and get dressed. Coming back into my room I turn on my laptop and wait for it to boot up. Tapping my fingers I look at the clock and decide I need fuel if I am going to actually think of anything. Grabbing my sneaker and a pair of socks I put them on and make my way to the cafeteria. It's early only 8am but as expected the majority of the student body is still asleep. Walking into the café I show my ID to the gatekeeper and grab a tray. Looking over the selection I decide on waffles. Going to the waffle maker I make two waffles. I lavishly cover one with strawberries and the other with blueberries. I don't bother with syrup since the fruit is sweet enough. Finishing up with some whip cream I move on to the eggs. I make a plate of scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, and home fries. One of the joys of being up early is that there are fewer people to stare at the amount of food I can consume.

My tray is nearly spilling over so I look out at the tables and am surprised to see Tara. Smiling I make my way to her table and put down my tray. She looks up in surprise and I smile. She looks at my tray and her eyes widen. She looks back at me and I can't help the slight blush creeping up my neck. I give a little smirk and ask if she wants anything. She shakes her head no and I walk over to the refreshment area where I make myself a cup of coffee and grab a glass of orange juice and a glass of milk. What can I say; I'm a growing girl.

Putting down my drinks I take a seat and wonder once again how to start a conversation. Really it should not be this hard. It should be easy. I should say hello, then she would say hello and suddenly conversation starts. Instead I'm left thinking what happens after hello? I can't exactly tell her about my secret life or is it lives considering I am a slayer and now a soldier in the Initiative? Either way I'm not supposed to tell her. Then again why not tell her? Buffy told her friends and her boyfriend what she was and suffered no consequences for it. Why can't I? Then again it might not be wise to start off our relationship by telling her that demons exist. That I am a supernaturally strong woman imbued with a demon. No that would only scare her off. So would I am a soldier for a secret underground agency that no one knows about. Damn I guess I have to keep my lives secret then. Damn damn damn. I look at Tara and she is looking at me curiously. Did I say any of that out loud? Oh god no please tell me my mental filter was working and I didn't say that out loud? She's still staring at me what do I do? Hello suave sexual Faith please feel free to step in and handle this situation. Nothing, just silence and now I am starting to blush. Great could this get any worse?

"Are you okay?" Tara asks with a little frown marring her forehead.

I squeak out a yes and begin to blush even harder. Tara nods and I think, no I pray, she is going to take pity on me and just get up leaving me in my own embarrassed misery. No such luck. She looks at me again and this time she smiles. I try to smile back and I think it comes out as a grimace but Tara's smile doesn't flicker or change.

"I see I am not the only early riser." She begins clearly trying to alleviate my embarrassment.

"Yup you, me, and the entire kitchen staff though I don't think they had much choice in the matter." I finally get out feeling like I should pat myself on the back for managing a whole sentence. Tara smiles and I can't help but smile back. Yes, Faith be smooth you can do it I swear you can. "So why are you up so early?" I ask.

"Habit really, do it every day for class and I always liked getting up early when I was younger to help mom with breakfast." She tells me her eyes glazing over slightly and I know she is thinking of her mother. "How about you?"

"My alarm went off." I tell her with a smile. I have no happy antidote to tell her. When I still lived with my parents I don't recall ever getting up extra early just to help mom make breakfast. Mom didn't make breakfast, our housekeeper/cook made breakfast. Nope no happy cooking memories with the family. I decide to try to change the topic.

"So do you have any allergies I should know about?" I figure this topic is safe enough and it will help me in deciding what to bring on our picnic. As I wait for her answer I start in on my breakfast.

"Nope nor do I have any diet restrictions. I'm a vegetarian but it's a choice more than anything." She answers.

"Okay is there any type of food you like more than another? Italian, French, Spanish, Mexican, American, etc, etc?"

"Uh well I've never really thought of it. We didn't really go out to eat that often and usually it was my dad that picked the restaurant. I do like pasta but beyond the foods I've had here I haven't really branched out into the world of international cuisine."

"I see that does I suppose give me a lot to work with. Are you willingly to experiment in the dining department?"

"I think so as long as it's vegetarian."

I nod agreeing to find vegetarian food with an international flare. Pity I am in Sunnydale.


	6. The Date

It's one o'clock and I am past hungry and getting close to ravenous. Waiting in front of Meir Hall with my backpack and a picnic basket I anxiously wait for Tara to arrive. Now as I'm waiting I'm left with those sneaky dubious thoughts that question my decisions. Should I have picked dinner instead of a picnic? By having a midday meal am I establishing the unstated fact that we are friends instead of "dating"? Honestly colleges should have a course on how to understand human behavior. Psychology does not count because honestly I can learn all I want about human behavior it doesn't actually guarantee understanding. Great now I'm thinking like a sociopath.

Breathing out a harsh sigh of frustration I look at my watch; 1:01pm. Really only a minute has gone by? It seems to be a impossibility but I am sure my watch isn't lying to me. Looking around I search blindly for Tara wishing to whatever gods might exist that this date or non date was over with already. It hasn't even begun and already I wish it was over. Was this a mistake? Did I rush myself into this? Where is that girl?

"Faith?" A slight voice asks and a hand touches my shoulder. Jumping up with a slight squeak I turn around and see Tara trying to hide a smile.

Breathe Faith just breathe, by god you're a slayer for crying out loud. Relax its daylight, no vampires or demons, just a pretty girl here to see you. Yeah just a pretty girl you like and kinda want to date. That's all it's all perfectly normal, perfectly natural, just relax, smile even make her think you're normal. There is nothing normal about you and you know it. Yes, I tell myself, but it never hurts to pretend to be normal. Putting aside my internal argument I manage a smile.

"You made it." I say and instantly wish I could take back the words. They make me sound desperate and needy. It says I didn't think she would come. It says I have no confidence. Damn, damn, and double damn.

"I did." Tara pauses and gives me a small smile. "So where are we going?" She asks and I'm grateful she decided not to address my little Freudian slip.

"Kingston Park near the ocean, I figure if it's a nice enough day we can take a walk along the beach before going home." I tell her and wonder if it's a stupid idea, she merely nods and I'm left in my own self doubt. I lead the way unable to think of what to say next. Again I wish my socially developmental years had not been spent in a harem where I was mostly isolated. I don't know how to deal with men except as sexual predators and I don't know how to deal with women. The women of the harem understood my purpose better than I did. I was a toy while they actually belonged to the harem. They were chosen with care and most were wives of my master's. I was a thing. They ignored me the majority of the time. The only one who ever showed any sympathy for me was Azimah. She was Mohammad's fifth wife and his youngest. Undoubtedly she was as isolated as I was considering she was at the bottom of the totem pole.

"So tell me a little about yourself?" Tara asks breaking me out of my reverie and I wonder how long I was silent.

"What would you like to know?" I ask trying to evade the question and trying to figure out what part of my life I should reveal or lie about as the case may be.

"Anything" She states with a smile making me want to blow out a sigh in frustration.

"Well…uh….hmmm…okay I…I don't know what to tell you. You already know I have three brothers, my parents are alive and well, and that I grew up in Massachusetts. I covered the basics really. So what else to tell you? My grandfather encouraged me to help him in his mortuary." I tell her not knowing what else to say.

"Really?" She asks a little frown marring her forehead makes me wonder if that was too weird.

"Yeah it was after my other grandfather died. Grandpa Liam was a mortician and he thought it would be a good idea for me to understand death. You might think it a little strange and I suppose it is but Grandpa Liam and Nana had aspirations for me to follow in their line of work. Nana was a medical examiner and they both shared a deep respect for life and for the dead. They taught a form of reverence for both and it helped me get through losing Grandpa Seamus."

"I suppose that is one way to get a child to understand death." Tara says doubtfully.

"It worked and I actually enjoyed helping Grandpa. I spent more time with Grandpa and Nana then I did with my own parents. I stayed with them every weekend and at least a month during the summer."

"Didn't you miss you parents or your brothers?" She asks frowning slightly.

"I did but I didn't. I was very close to my brothers and to be honest I was treated more like a boy then a girl by them. They taught me how to climb trees, how to fight, how to swear, and how to fish. We were always together and no matter how hard they occasionally tried they could not get rid of me. My time with Nana and Grandpa though was special. It's not like they ignored my brothers cause they didn't but my brothers never had the same connection with Nana and Grandpa like I did. So the quality time I got I treasured. I miss them both very much." I finish surprised that I shared so much of myself.

"Where are they now?" She asks softly as if afraid to hear the underwritten truth.

"They both passed away." I state leaving it at that. Looking around me I realize we've made it to the park. Putting down my bag and the basket I take out a blanket and lay it down. I motion for Tara to take a seat and then commence laying out our meal. I found a nice Indian restaurant and picked out several dishes all vegetarian and all mildly spiced.

I picked out the foods I thought would be acceptable to her and the ones I liked the most. I stuck with vegetarian for both of us since I didn't want her accidentally eating one of my dishes. So I laid out the Samosa's, white rice, Malai Kofta, Saag Paneer, Shahi Bhindi, Shahi Aloo Gobhi, and several selection of Naan. Overall I had spent a small fortune on this feast. Last I took out the silver ware and two plastic plates and two plastic cups and the soda. I would have bought wine but I don't know if she drinks or if she even likes wine or what kind of wine. Now I understand why most boys pick restaurants for the first date; less shit to worry about. I look up when I'm done and see that Tara is staring at all the food with a surprised look on her face. I smile and tell her what everything is and she smiles back when I finish.

"So you got us a completely vegetarian meal I see."

"I figured it would be easier. Anything here you don't think you want to try?" She shakes her head no so I dish out a plate for her with a little bit of everything. Handing her, her plate I make my own. Tara takes the lead and pores us both a cup of soda and hands out the napkins. Finally sitting down I let the silence fill the space between us. It feels comfortable at least to me so I dig into my food.

Two plates later I'm finally full and I put away our meal and take out the desert. I picked something simple but sweet; Gulab Jamun. They are wheat balls fried and soaked in rose water syrup. It's sweet but not too sweet and leaves you with a sweet smelling mouth.

"So did you like my choices?" I ask as I finish putting everything away except for the blanket.

"I did. I didn't know Sunnydale had an Indian restaurant."

"Neither did I. You could call it luck that I even found it." In reality it was me searching Sunnydale up and down stopping at each restaurant and staring at each menu trying to decide what to do.

"So what made you pick Indian?"

"I actually enjoy Indian food. There are several of them in the Worcester area and a couple in Boston. Framingham has several of them and my Grandparents where fans of trying different restaurants. We went out to dinner every Friday and Saturday night and always to a new restaurant. We always rated our food and the quality of the restaurant afterwards. It was like a weird little game but it was tradition."

"That sounds like a very fun tradition."

"Yes though I will admit that some cultures eat some really weird things. Personally I never understood the appeal of squid or octopus or lobster. I know as a Bostonian that is like blasphemy but I think lobster is disgusting. It's the cockroach of the sea and I think it's just nasty. I tried it and then said once was enough, same with the squid and octopus. How about you any fun family traditions?"

"Well we always had dinner together as a family, something of a tradition I suppose. To be honest my family life wasn't the best. My dad isn't the best guy in the world and you could say on more than one occasion he did his best to instill goodness into me. I know he loves me he just never knew a good way to show it. My mom was the affectionate one and she's the reason why I'm here right now. Her life insurance is paying for college." She tells me with a tear running down her cheek. I don't know how we got so personal so quickly and I don't really know how to deal with a crying woman. Crawling over I wrap my arms around her and just hug her lightly. I watch as she wipes her tears away and wipes her nose. I don't know what to say so I stay quiet. This is not how I saw our first date going.

"I'm sorry Tara." I finally get out as the silence slowly presses me to the ground.

She sniffles and shakes her head. "No I'm sorry I didn't mean to get so maudlin."

"No don't be sorry, it's obvious you're still grieving. I have a pretty good understanding of grief and any time you feel like crying…. Well my shoulder is here." I tell her and even to me that sounds a little corny but it's the best I can do at the moment.

"Thanks" She says cuddling in to me a little. At least I know she is comfortable around me.

Without words we slowly move apart. I don't know how I know but I know that date is coming to it's inevitable conclusion. I don't actually want it to end. I've enjoyed myself more than I thought I would. Talking to Tara is like to talking to Cordelia. It's comfortable and comforting. Picking up the blanket I fold it and put it away. I pick up my bag and the basket. I decide to try to extend the date a little bit and reach out my hand for Tara. She takes it without hesitation and a feel my heart skip a beat. I help her up and walk her down to the beach.

We don't talk and in this moment we don't need to talk. It feels like we are in sync and it's nice. I lead us down the beach only for a couple of hundred yards before turning us back around. The walk back to campus is done in comfortable silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Once on campus I let Tara lead us to her dorm which surprisingly enough is my dorm hall. I guess with the limited amount of students on campus it was easier to put us all in one hall.

"Will you go out with me again?" I ask tentatively almost afraid of being rejected. Tara nods her head in agreement and I lead her into the building and up to the third floor. Standing outside her door I watch her search for her keys and take her time unlocking her door. When she turns back to say goodbye I move in slightly to give her a kiss.

We kiss and it is soft and sweet and gentle. It's not desperate and wanting. It's not filled with passion or desire. Instead it is the prelude to those feelings. It's the gentle exploration of lips and tongues. It's getting to know each other, the beginning of intimacy. Pulling away slightly with her taste still lingering on my lips I smile. I return to her lips for one last touch before saying my official goodbye. I promise to meet her for breakfast tomorrow before turning away and returning to my own room.


End file.
